A judge once said, “If at the end of the case I have made both parties equally unhappy than I have done my job.” Whoa. If nothing more it does demonstrate for us that if we bring a third party into any of our 1v1 conflicts that we decrease the chances we will get what we need and want. There are some major benefits to keeping yourself in a “with” mentality instead of a “to” mentality…like that third party just did to us because we asked them for help with a solution to our problem. Here are 10 specific benefits to not adding a decision-maker to the mix and working it out with that person directly .
Benefits include:
Customize the solution(s) to meet your needs and that of the other party
$$$$$$$$$$$$
Keep the decision-making authority in your own hands
Use the opportunity to repair, grow or transform the relationship by working together
Create a win-win solution(s)
Work on your own timeline and not that of a third party
Including all the facts and information (third parties often don’t want to hear everything)
Location for the discussion session is up to you and the other person, not a third party
Only the final outcome may need to be recorded (as opposed to a court where everything is written down, for example)
You control the information, timeline, options and potential solution that can be customized to fit your needs and those of the other party – you can “color outside the lines”
Choosing to resolve stuff 1v1 is almost always a better approach. While sometimes that isn’t possible, having a mindset where you choose to avoid triangulation is a better option. We can work things out when we have better conflict management communication skills. Let me know if I can help and have a great week!
All my best!
Dave
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