Someone once said that the reason G-d made kids so cute is so that we don’t get rid of them when they teenagers.
When you were younger and people asked you if you wanted to have kids (or people are asking you now for your future) they really should be more specific. The question should be, and I rarely say should, “Do you want to have kids and teenagers?” Yes, totally fair question and far more accurate. From my discussions with lots of people, if you are experiencing the changes your teens are going through now with some confusion, here may be why:
They could never possibly know how much you love them until (if) they have kids of their own
They are looking to establish their independence
They will likely forget most of the times you were a rock star parent, no matter how many times
They will not see the big picture and connect the dots that you have strategically made happen for their benefit
Your kids will not know the number of times that you stuck up for them when they didn't have a voice or when they were not old enough to know that they needed an ally
Your consistent efforts to help shape, teach and prepare will not be seen in context·
Their peers have become more influential then when they were younger
They will not credit you for your own personal growth as an individual, remember, most don’t see their parents as anything other than parents
Their interests and focus is changing
They may be unappreciative, self-absorbed, not hardwired to show care or love
They may not know how to communicate their care or have real communication skills
If divorced their other parent may speak poorly of you, even subtly
No one really gets validated for getting their kids through to young adulthood, why would they
If you are divorced, that’s a whirlwind that has so many branches and sequels that impact behavior
Lots of other reasons, but you get the point
So then, if they asked you the real question about kids and teenagers and then told you the difference, would you have them anyway? If you are a yes, like me, here is why:
You are filled with love to share.
How you raise your child may help change the world for the better
You want to help that beautiful son or daughter grow up to be a happy, healthy citizen
You have tons to offer, even if they do not want to consume it all.
You desire to keep the family name or bloodline going into the future
To give and receive (hopefully) unconditional love
To help create a life and help them to find meaning
You love babies and small children (remember the original question, time goes by quickly)
You want to create a family unit
Reality is, raising kids and teenagers is far different. My offering and simplification is this: move from training to facilitation. We have to hope that all of our hard work, all the days that you put in the blood, sweat and tears…the same days your teenager may never remember…will pay off for your child as they move on, out and hopefully up!
Much love,
Dave
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